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Submitted on
February 22, 2013


6 (who?)

Conflicted, or am I?

Journal Entry: Fri Feb 22, 2013, 4:25 AM

On the This Morning show, I was shocked to learn that a mother decided that she should be the one to pick the friends her children will make. I decided to be fair and think, well maybe she doesn't want them hanging out with violent children out of fear. However as I continued to watch I realized that this woman didn't want her children hanging out with children from lower class families.

She explained that a child, in her child's class, always came to school late, his parents drop him off while they're still in PJ's, his uniform didn't match everyone else's, and he was loud and a tough on teachers. I'll admit I'll raise my eyebrows at this kid, but I should be blaming the parents, or no one at all since this family might have come from a poor background, and thus can't afford the luxuries that middle class families have. Anyway, she told her child not to hang out with him, simply because of this. She would actually prefer it if her child hanged out with smarter and well behaved children, because for some reason she thinks smartness is contagiousness. I had a smart friend, but I never caught any of it.

Now I don't have a child, but I would let her/him chose his/her friends, but if one child she/he likes to be friends with is really violent, I would want them to stay away. Am I right or wrong?

Debate time!

  • Mood: Stumped
  • Listening to: My iphone
  • Reading: Manga
  • Watching: Netflix
  • Playing: Kingdoms of Amalur: Re
  • Eating: Sushi
  • Drinking: Dr Pepper
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Silnev Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013
It really comes to that thing if you had a daughter and she was to go on a date and the boy turned up on a motorcycle would that change your views of the boy cause he rode what many consider a death trap.

In any case I would let my children be friends with whoever as I've seen it all. I've been friends with the smart kids, the sporty ones, the artistic ones, the trouble makers, the detention crowd, the idiots, the assholes, the ones who do illegal shit, the music ones, the nerdy ones, the sci-fi fans, the fantasy crowd, the war veterans the list just goes on and on. And one thing I noticed is no matter what their background is or how they act shouldn't affect how you view them as a friend. I'm mean my current group of buddies are a hybrid of the smarts and the nerds but they don't look down on me cause I get lower grades then them, come from a lower class or that I act rather eccentric sometimes.
And I feel somewhat dissapointed when parents choose who their children should hang out with as I had a friend like that who said his parents didn't want me to come to their house. It's hurtful and I would rather let my child pick and choose for themselves as that will help them better later in life when mommy and daddy aren't around. My dad and mum gave me that freedom I'll be damned to not my child enjoy that freedom aswell.
:iconprowls-little-angle2: you said, there's two sides. I think that the best way to do it is let your child choose their friends, however, if they are doing drunk or something, ask them to be careful.
severiner Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013
Parents can only guide.
The allure of the forbidden may cause the child to try and befriend the ones their parents do not want them to out of curiosity or rebellion.
It all depends on the nature of the child and how the parents say it.
Also the parents could be wrong in their assessment or just be prejudice.
So really there are many factors, but in the end it is the child who should decide who they will be friends with.
BothersomeKitsune Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013  Student General Artist
Choosing friends is a way of life. A child needs to choose their own friends. I believe it helps them determine who they want to be and be with and who they don't want to. Life lessons are learned when the children are confronted with something like this, a friend doing something they know is wrong for example. They can learn that maybe someone who thinks doing something wrong is "cool", is not a good friend at all. How can a child learn something like that, when the parents decide that they're just not going to risk it and just decide who should be their childs friends. I understand why, but children sometimes need to make their own mistakes in order to learn and grow.
Metalchick36 Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Well I have made friends that turned out not to be so good and I didn't listen to my parents until it was too late. But at least I learned from my mistakes, even though I still wish I had listened to them. It is a tough thing to consider, on one hand, the parents can prevent their kids from hanging out with the kids who are on drugs are violent or who are delinquents, but...the kid might get pushed into hanging out even more with those kids because it's forbidden.

One thing I know for sure, never ever let your kid's friends move in with you! Biggest mistake of my life is letting a friend move in with us, and I ended up losing so much because of her and I have been slowly rebuilding it all back up. I won't go into detail, but she was one of those friends who will drag you down with her and destroy everything you have gained.
Metalchick36 Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I forgot to add, I now am more careful with what friends I make today. I only have a handful, but they are much better people. In fact, we all have different beliefs, politics, and different tastes of music and movies, but the important thing is that we all get along and are compatible.

That woman is wrong though to reject friends because of their class.
Spirited13 Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013
I hung out with all the children who didn't have much and were violent (for reasons of their own) because I got a long with them more and they were better friends. ^^; :S I turned out alright and so did my friends... Sometimes, people like that need someone positive and friendly to help calm them. I calmed my friends and they calmed me and we had a lovely friendship :)

Remember that you don't know what does behind closed doors and shouldn't judge the poor thing.

But what you do with your child, how you bring them up it is up to you and you must do what believe is right, not what anyone else thinks :)

I think every parent just wants the best for their child :)
MonyYoshi1 Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I couldn't agree more. The parent shouldn't chose who the child is friends with unless it starts to become harmful and even then the matter should be dealt with maturely and responsibly. No need to make your child angry just try and get them to understand. Answer their questions if they have any but make sure they know that your not angry or just trying to be mean.

Money and smarts shouldn't be why you're friends with someone. I'm in the lower-middle class range but I work for my grades and am considered quite smart. I have friends all over the spectrum of money and smarts. None of that matter because they are all good people and like me because of who I am. Not how smart/dumb or how rich/poor I am.
Nortstar Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013
you are right.. I agree with you
Xobit Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I have a wonderful add on to that debate.

I once worked at a cash register in a store in Denmark, they had strict codes of clean white, pressed shirts though the store was actually just a big discount super market.

Once a child came to the line of one of my coworkers, with her fur and jewelry covered mom, the girl kept staring at me and suddnly said "mom! mom, when I get big I want to be like her and work her with that pretty white shirt on!" and the mom promptly said, "No you don't! People like her have no education, are stupid and poor!"

My coworker promptly pulled out her student card from the DTU (Technical University of Denmark) and asked the mom if she had an education rivaling the Bachelor she was currently taking.

The thing is, most of the people working the cash registers could have done the same, I myself had just applied to the Royal School of Library and Information Science and was accepted not two weeks later. Not one of the young people was there because of a lack of education, but because we were between educations or had part time work during education.

The nerve and snobbery of some people X.x its enough to stun you speechless at times!
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